It’s Official. I’m Old. Technology said so.

I will be the first to admit that I’m not up on the latest technology present in television sets. Oh, sure – I was quick to try out the iPod, the iPad, the now gone Flip camera (which I STILL use, mostly because I misjudged the amount of storage needed on my iPhone so I can barely have memory for a photo let alone a 2 minute ballet performance.)

But I am not an aficionado when it comes to televisions.

Once upon a time, I was proud that I kept up with technology as a whole. I’m an early adopter – I had a Palm Pilot when they first came out (do you remember those?) even though I had few people with whom to “beam” my contacts to.  I was an early user of  AOL, Twitter, Instagram. Heck,  I think (thought?) myself as kind of hip. And let’s be clear. I’m NOT old. I’m not even 50.

But last week when the Hubs and I went to Best Buy to check out bigger TVs for our new house, we quickly realized we were the equivalent of that lady in the Esurance commercial playing Candy Crush by hammering hard candy on her countertop – clueless.

The 20-something salesmen were ok at first, spouting fancy words like “Ultra 4K” and “3D” but all I was seeing was $4000 price tags and I thought “????????”.   I think our first response was “um, yeah, we haven’t bought a TV in a while, so we don’t know what you just said.”

One sales guy quickly took the Hubs through the spiel, leading him off to the bigger TVs and the surround sound area when he heard the words “media room”. The second guy, in hipster glasses and skinny jeans so tight that I wonder if HE too, lays down on his bed to get them on, just like I did my 1984 Jordache, was more sympathetic: “We don’t want to push you into anything.”  Bonding with him over my (former) love of skinny jeans, I said “Oh, no worries – I still need a washer/dryer, and I’m not compromising there.”  The first guy overheard my comment and looked at me with disgust, while my husband looked on in confusion. (I’ll forgive that sales guy, as based on his age I’m sure he still lives at home with his mother and has no idea the importance of that steam function when you regularly, unintentionally leave wet clothes in the washer, wrinkling.)

See, when we needed a new TV two years ago for the playroom, I took my then-8-year-old with me. Our method was scientific – I had looked at online reviews to see what sucked. We went to Best Buy, ignored the TVs that had bad reviews, and looked at the remaining ones on sale.

And picked the one with the prettiest picture.

I mean, I come from the era where the remote control was lying on the floor, turning the knob – all 13 channels – with your toes.

My college TV was a black and white 13″ with a massive wad of aluminum foil to improve reception. Oh, and that was 1986.

So in less than 30 years we fast forward to the Ultra 4K HD 3D 55″ screen we stood in front of. The picture WAS stunning. But all I could think was “I don’t take my kids to the 3D version of movies, as the kiddos say they want to throw up. I don’t want a home TV that produces vomit.”

In the end, I passed the buck. I sent the Hubs and email with a link to the washer/dryer bundle I want. I suggested a general size range for the TV, and gave him the same methodology as the boy and I used – look at the TVs, then buy what you want (remembering we don’t NEED 3D, because, pukage), keeping in mind that we also have to find a TV console to go under it. And drapes and rods for the ENTIRE house, so he needs to weigh the horror of being seen naked by the neighbors with watching soccer on a 65″ screen.

I’ll be curious to hear what he picked out.

By the way, can anyone tell me what this “sound bar” thing he asked me if we needed as well?