One Word 2017: Conquer

I am not one for resolutions. And I’m downright disappointing at keeping promises to myself.

Other people? No problem. Italian-Catholic guilt will get it done if determination and organization are lacking.

All too often, however, I fall guilty to the mom phenomenon of putting everyone (and everything) else first to the detriment of herself.  I also lay the blame at the feet of my squirrel-like inability to focus, which I’m beginning to suspect may have something to do with my foggy brain and not just my ADD tendencies.

Over the past few years, I’ve given up the idea of “resolution” and instead chosen one word, which encompasses all my goals for the year and  narrows them down into a single focus.

Looking at my past choices, one might see an intentional progression.

In 2014, my word was “Embrace“.

In 2015, it was “Thrive“.

In 2016, it was “Cultivate“. (Sadly, like all other living plants around here, my word was neglected and foundered.)

However, I’m beginning to think my word is sounding like a broken record, a scratchy repeat – or a determined child, repeating the same thing in a myriad of different ways, intent on reaching her singular goal.

They are gentle words. Peaceful words. Soothing words.

Sadly, on reflection they begin to sound like the words of someone who doesn’t want to rock the boat, who is trying to ease into change.

I can’t be a wilting flower, afraid of her own shadow, anxious about everything and second-guessing everything after that. At first, I thought my word should be “fearless” but I realized I am who I am, and if it was “fear less” it would be an improvement.

What I need to do is to conquer my list of wants and to-dos. To beat back the niggling, itchy little burrs that scratch in my brain, telling me that I can’t will fail, or that I’ll look foolish or boring or stupid. That hold me in the grips of indecision.  It could have been “focus”, because that is painfully lacking some days.

In the end, though, I decided that I needed a powerful word that I could focus on. One to give me confidence.

One to remind me that I am stronger than I think.

My one word this year is CONQUER.

con·quer

verb

overcome and take control of; to successfully overcome (a problem or weakness); to gain the love, admiration or respect of (a person or group of people)

synonyms: overcome, get the better of, control, master, get a grip on, deal with, cope with, surmount, rise above, get over; vanquish

The more I looked at the word, the definitions and then the etymology (because I’m a word geek), the more it resonated.

Middle English (also in the general sense ‘acquire, attain’): from Old French conquerre, based on Latin conquirere ‘gain, win,’ from con- (expressing completion) + quaerere ‘seek.’

The past few years were about change that I hoped to embrace and ways I hoped I would thrive; this year will be about actively seeking what I need and (hopefully) succeed in attaining it.

I need to conquer my health issues – even if that only means more clearly defining what they are.
Fine. I also want to lose weight, so I guess that means conquering my love of sugar. brushes off cookie crumb

I want to will rebrand my blog – and that means seeking out a name that resonates with me. And then I want to get back to writing. Consistent, focused, intentional writing.

I want to will work to feel more established here, and find my people. I love my people that are elsewhere. But sometimes I need conversation that is a little less one-sided than what the spaniel provides.

I want to

I want to will conquer my disorganization, which will help me achieve all the former. This includes the garage mess, thank you very much.

Hopefully, THIS is the year that I can get myself back on track – and I can do so while remaining in the moment.

I’m putting this out there for all to see. For accountability.

Wish me luck.