If You Really Knew Me
If you really knew me, you would know that I am self-conscious around people I don’t know. Painfully so.
If you really knew me, you’d understand that I’m horribly awkward meeting new people. Mostly because I’m afraid I’m going to get tongue-tied. Or stammer. Or spit when I talk, or something equally mortifying.
Think of the moment in “Bridget Jones’ Diary” when our girl Bridget arrives at a garden party dressed for what she thinks is a “tarts and vicars” party.
Awkward, no?
If you really knew me you would know that my poker face is crap, so in situations where I need to mingle, it’s highly likely that I have an anxious look on my face that I’m desperately trying to mask. Worse even than deer-in-the-headlights: more like walked-in-on-in-the-bathroom – yes, that awkward, with a dash of mortified.
If you really knew me, you would know that the idea of getting up in front of a bunch of people and speaking is terrifying. Which meant that I didn’t do a lot of talking in marketing presentations at my last job.
If you really knew me, you would know that, with my close friends, I’m not like this. In the imaginary world in my head, I’m the complete opposite – confident, breezy, outgoing. Of course, I’m also 32 and weigh 9 stone. (Hey, it’s my imaginary world.)
So the idea of getting up in front of a room full of parents from school? Or the general community?
Terrifying.
But the actual event of getting up in front of a room full of parents and NOT making a total fool of myself?
Exhilarating.
So if you really knew me, you would know how that would my confidence bloom, and more than a tiny bit.
Because, if I could do that, I can probably do anything.
***
This post was inspired by a prompt at
10 Comments
SaucyB
Keep building on that taste of confidence. The ‘real you’ want to come out!
SaucyB recently posted… A Stranger in My Own Home
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Heidi Smith Luedtke
So interesting how the social you and the personal you are so different! Thanks for sharing this. And that tarts and vicars party scene…mortifying. I Love Bridget.
Jenn
Honestly, I think its a lack of self confidence. If I had the ability to edit in real life, well, this wouldn’t be an issue – but I get so nervous, then tongue-tied, well, it’s just not pretty. And frustrating. But I’m working on it…..
Jessica
Pubic speaking is so nerve racking. I always get so nervous before I have to talk in front of people but afterwards when I didn’t screw up I feel great.
jane
hee hee i too am 32 and 9 stone…in my head! lovely post and thanks for stopping by mine…just seen you are from hay on wye…i grew up in winforton! about 9 miles from hay and know it like the back of my hand…lived there from 7 years old to 30! went to lady hawkins school in kington and eardisley primary…wouldnt it be funny if we had met in the real world as well as on the ether! much love jane xx
Frelle
Stopping by on the mamakat linkup, and glad to meet you. I love how descriptive you are about your internal feelings!
Kristy
I know you pretty well and THAT person that got up on stage is the real Jenn. You just need to let her out more.
Georgia Girls
I’m glad the voices in your head did not win this time! I used to be shy, quiet, and then reserved. I know how it can limit many of life’s experiences — still haven’t felt comfortable playing sports. Maybe you need a new pair of shoes.
http://n-good-company.blogspot.com/2011/03/reflections-cinderella-slippers.html
Stopping by mama kats — #90, a little late to the party 🙂
Lisa
I so get your writings and I feel your pain. I couldn’t voice it though because no one would believe me…I’ve been “faking it” until I “make it” for so long that the little introvert inside that dies all the time never makes it back to her comfort zone.
Jennifer
Thanks for visiting my blog! I do not think I have ever been to your blog before. I love the name and design, too cute!!
I enjoyed your post. I too, do not like to get up in front of a large group of people.