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There May A Bit of Truth in Every Unintentional Insult, But Don’t Call Me Pregnant
I couldn’t see the speaker, but her words stopped me in my tracks. “Hey, Jenny – I didn’t know you were pregnant!!! When did that happen?” The voice came from the far side of the patio. The sun had already set as I was walking down the slope into my friend’s dark backyard to where everyone was gathered around the table, candles burning low and fire pit crackling. I squinted to see who it was as I set down my handbag on the chair brought in for me. Conversation around the table ground to a halt. I didn’t recognize the voice, or the face, which made the words harder to…
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A Brief Question for a Tuesday Morning
It’s only 8:30 on the second day of school, and already, I’m eyeballing the Baileys. Has it ever crossed your mind that the tantrums you endure could be a harbinger of something worse to come? Like being killed in your sleep, suffocated by a stuffed unicorn named Pinky? Yeah, me neither. I don’t know what I was thinking. I need more Bailey’s coffee. You can go about your day now…
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What To Do On A Rainy Summer Day, or, “Sugar Anyone?”
This morning, as it rained buckets, I wasn’t much in the mood to leave the house, so I baked a batch of chocolate cupcakes. When they had cooled, I set out frosting and pretty much every sprinkle, jimmie and Smartie I had in the house, and told the kids to have at it. I knew those paper liners that go between the foil cupcake liners could be used for something: I filled them with sprinkles and such that came in a bottle with no shaker lid!! I suppose I should have supervised a tad bit more closely, as they went a bit overboard, but they sure are pretty!!! I think…
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Dear So & So
I think that Kat might be taking a break this week, but I really needed to write my Dear So and So’s, anyway. Because that’s how i roll…… So here we go: * * * * * Dear Dog Groomer, Thank you for shaving my puppy*. It was really getting tiresome picking weeds and seeds out of her tangled ears. If I looked shocked when I picked her up, it was only because she looked so…weird with short ears. Love, A Happy Cocker Spaniel Owner *Boy, that sounds wrong. * * * * * Dear Macy, I promise to stop laughing at your short ears. But. Dude. You look goofy.…
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Dear So and So
Dear Pea: Thank you for cooperating and not dawdling or fussing so we could get you to school at such an early hour (for you) to meet the bus (which still wasn’t there 15 minutes later.). Wish every morning could be like today!!!! Love, Mommy * * * * * Dear Mother Nature: Please give our lovely school kids a break and, if you can’t make the sun shine at least give them a break from the rain? They’ve been looking forward to this beach trip all year and for some of them it’s the only time they see the ocean. Love, A Hopeful Mom * * * * *…
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Nothing Gets Past Her
Today, Pea had *another* meltdown of colossal proportions. She was having a rough time with her Rapunzel dress, it wasn’t fitting right, and apparently, this was all my fault. Isn’t it always. It ended with her yelling at me that she didn’t want me to help her, she only wanted Daddy, all day, and that I should just go away. In the course of trying to calm her down, more words were said, I was told to just back off. I’ve had a lot weighing on my mind this week, woke up feeling off and not really shaking it off by that moment – and I ended up bursting into…
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Fried Chicken Honesty
So my Dad sent me a joke the other day, one that was cute and clean. {image by Keith Davis Young via we heart it} My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and…
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Sweet Relief
Falling under the categories of “Too Much Information” and “I can’t believe I’m sharing this”…. *** It was a routine OB/Gyn appointment, when my doc noticed a tiny cyst where one shouldn’t be. “We’ll just do a biopsy of it to be sure it’s nothing – I’m sure it is nothing.” (Why do they always talk in the plural? It’s not as if I’m holding the knife for him…) About a week later, on my birthday, my cell phone rang. It was my doctor. “How’s your day going today?”, he asked. “Great, it’s my birthday today”, I replied. “Oh, um, well, I’ll just call you back tomorrow then.” Note to…
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She’s Not Always a Princess, or, It’s Just Semantics.
One Sunday morning during the first few months we were married, the Hubs and I were sitting in church, watching the adorable little girl in the pew in front of us. She was hugging on her dad when she leaned back, her arms around his neck — and head-butted him. Hard. The Hubs grinned widely. “I want a little girl like that”. Flash forward to yesterday. *** Boo bursts into the room, sobbing. “Pea punched me!” I look at him dubiously. He stands about a foot taller than her, and outweighs her by about 20 pounds. “Why would she do that? Did she really do that?” From the playroom, I…
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Finding a Warm Memory
I don’t get people who throw parties with the theme of “Christmas in July”. Don’t get me wrong – I love Christmas. I love parties. But seriously? What I don’t like is cold weather. I don’t like it at all, (and don’t give me that crap that I grew up in Chicago, so I should be used to it) and I sure as heck don’t want to be reminded of it when I’m (finally) warm, wearing short sleeves and have sandals on my feets. Basically, I’m one of those people who are cold ALL THE TIME. So here I am, huddled next to the puppy, under an afghan, teeth chattering…