Disappointed…Again

Today was not the best of days.

(I wonder how many posts I actually start like that……)

F

Where was I? Oh, me.

For someone that has less innate parental talent than even I anticipated, today went pretty badly. Oh, sure, I didn’t initiate the trouble, precisely – the kidlings handled that all on their own. They faught. They squabbled. There was a lot of screaming and scratching involved. At times, it was not unlike the snarling, scrabbling fight scenes in “Fantastic Mr. Fox”….

Yup, it was that bad.

But in the end, it was the screaming at each other that got to me. I’d done time outs. I’d separated them. I’d calmly explained that “screaming at your brother that you NEED him to play with you” is probably not going to get him to come back in the room, and that “throwing your toys at me and screaming that you were going to ‘run away for ever and ever and never come back again'” was not going to win you any favors. And yet, they screamed at each other. And at me, if I didn’t punish the other one for yet another transgression that occurred whilst I was doing the laundry/hanging it on the line/haggling with the plumber/electrician/making lunch…..

….and I snapped.

More than once.

And instead of a calm handling of the situation, I STORMED into the room, likely with smoke pouring from my ears, and SCREAMED at them – to stop screaming at each other.

Effective, eh?

But my frustration was born out of something else entirely. Mine was born of disappointment – that you were spending one of your last summer days at home, not out doing something – anything – even going to the park together – because I was tethered to the phone, to await a call from the plumber in the US, or simply to the house, because I was waiting for the plumber and the electrician here. If you’re wondering why I need a plumber…it’s a long story. We’ve been having issues with our hot water system for a while now, but I’ve got a company that specializes in hot water repair in Brisbane that are coming to sort it. The electricians, on the other hand, have been a nightmare.

I wish I could turn back time. You may be wondering why. But I have a lot of reasons, and the most important one is that I should’ve listened to my friend. I should’ve listened to her when she told me that I would be better off getting in touch with professional electricians, like those you can find here at Aardvark Electric, so I wouldn’t be sat waiting around all day for the electrician to come. Now I realize she was right, and so I’ll know better for next time. But I’m hoping that we won’t have any further problems to solve for a long while yet. Anyway, on with the story.

There was disappointment because even though we were HERE, we weren’t actually doing something fun, or crafty.

Which, then, generated more disappointment with myself in general, because, despite how I like crafts, we just don’t DO those kinds of things together often, and, honestly, since we are all type-A control freaks, half the time it all ends in disappointment or tears. To be honest, my “things to do this summer list” doesn’t have too much checked off on it outside of the items involving our two main holiday trips. I’m not that kind of mom, the one who is always coming up with cool things to do, even though I would like to be one. Maybe in an alternate universe….

Because, honestly, the time left in which to do these things with you is fleeing fast. Soon, way too soon, you’ll be older, bigger, worse yet, teens (gulp) and you won’t want to hang out with your old Mom.

And I don’t want to look back on these years with even more disappointment than I usually feel at the end of the day because I didn’t handle things the way I wanted to or knew I should.

Oh, I know. They won’t turn into criminals overnight from a lack of a time out here or a broken up sibling fight there.

But I would like to avoid being the subject of years of therapy later on.

That would be really disappointing.

Today’s post was inspired by one of Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop writing prompts: “Write about a time you were disappointed”.

Or maybe it’s just (un)lucky coincidence. I dunno.

But apparently, I’m not the only disappointed gal out there, so check out the blog here to read more tales of disappointment, along with those of panic attacks, our grandma’s, and airplane etiquette.